At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
