I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
