the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
