Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
