just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
