I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
