I'm going to jail i love you
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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