in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
