just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
