I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
