just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
