my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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