YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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