new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
