Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
