So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
