at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
