Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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