You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
