How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
