I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
