This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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