my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When are your genitals available?
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