My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
