Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's get the cat blown out
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
