If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
