dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
