apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
