I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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