I want to have your abortion
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
