I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
