I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
