i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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