Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
