sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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