he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
