Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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