Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
