I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
