Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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