I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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