I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
