Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
