Your face is a jimmy john
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
