It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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