I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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