Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
