Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
only if we run a train.
done.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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