dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
