How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
